I had to go for my monthly port flush at MD Anderson yesterday. My oncologist wants me to keep the port in "just in case". Just in case what? The cancer comes back? Something to look forward to. Note the sarcasm here. I've been through this twice before. Third time is not a charm, ok? But what I was thinking was I sometimes forget that I have cancer. The day will be going along just great, I'm having fun, singing along with the radio, then it hits me: I have cancer. I feel the port in my chest. It's a constant reminder. In a way, it, the port, helped save my life. The port is this thing that the chemo flowed through to get into my veins. It is implanted underneath my skin in my chest. It's a pretty awesome little device actually.
I'm 2 years out from my last treatment. My hair is still thin but getting longer. Eyebrows do not want to come back. After going through chemotherapy twice, my hair is tired! :) I look different now. They say it's my "new normal". I'll never look or feel the way I did before. I'm okay with that. In total, it's been 5 years since the diagnosis. My last scans, x-rays and blood tests show no evidence of cancer cells. I'm considered terminal though, Stage 4. There is no stage 5. I'm only 42 and want to squeeze many more years outta this life! I am so happy to be here, present in the moment. Enjoy every day. Every single hour. Those are just my thoughts today.
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